Hogfather
Chapters - Terry Pratchett
Section: Inhume the Hogfather
The Auditors of Reality hire the Ankh-Morpork Guild of Assassins to 'inhume' the Hogfather - the Discworld's equivalent of Father Christmas, a jolly fat man in a red suit who delivers presents on Hogswatchnight. Lord Downey, head of the Guild, is baffled but accepts the three-million-dollar commission and assigns it to Mr Teatime, a young Assassin of terrifying brilliance and complete moral vacancy. Teatime has mismatched eyes - one a blank glass ball - and the unsettling habit of pronouncing his name 'Teh-ah-tim-eh'.
Susan Sto Helit, now working as a governess for the Gaiter family, deals with monsters under beds using a fireplace poker. She has been determinedly normal for two years but senses something is wrong when the candle flame bends towards a non-existent wind. At Unseen University, Archchancellor Ridcully decides to open a sealed bathroom despite the door being nailed shut with a sign reading 'Do not, under any circumstances, open this door'.
POV: Susan Sto Helit·On page: Mr Teatime, Mustrum Ridcully, The Death of Rats, Twyla, Gawain, Chickenwire, Catseye, Peachy
Section: Death Takes the Sleigh
Teatime assembles a gang of criminals - Medium Dave, his brother Banjo (an enormous simple-minded man), Mr Sideney (a nervous wizard), and others - for the assault on the Hogfather's castle at the Hub. Teatime has worked out that the Hogfather's power comes from children's belief, and he plans to destroy that belief using the teeth collected by the Tooth Fairy. Each tooth maintains a sympathetic magical link to its owner, and through them, belief can be manipulated.
Death discovers the Hogfather is fading as Teatime's plan takes effect. Rather than allow belief in the Hogfather to die, Death takes matters into his own skeletal hands: he dresses in the red suit, climbs into the sleigh, and takes over the Hogfather's role. Albert reluctantly joins him as a terrifyingly unconvincing elf. Death's interpretation of the Hogfather's duties is enthusiastic but alarmingly literal - he gives a poor street urchin the entire contents of a toyshop.
POV: Death, Mr Teatime·On page: Albert, Medium Dave, Banjo Lilywhite, Mr Sideney, Hex, The Bursar, The Dean, The Senior Wrangler, The Lecturer in Recent Runes, Ponder Stibbons, The Librarian, The Death of Rats, Bilious, Mr Crumley, Quoth
Section: Stolen Teeth, Stolen Belief
Susan investigates, following clues through the supernatural world. She discovers that Teatime has broken into the Tooth Fairy's domain - a pocket dimension accessed through a children's painting - and is using millions of teeth to drain children's belief in the Hogfather. Each tooth is a magical link to a child's capacity for wonder. The Tooth Fairy herself is revealed to be a construct, created by Death centuries ago to protect children from those who would use their teeth for dark magic.
Death continues his Hogswatchnight rounds with increasing commitment, visiting department stores and arguing with parents about what constitutes a proper present. He gives a little girl a sword. Albert tries to moderate his master's generosity but Death is enjoying himself for the first time in ages. Meanwhile, the wizards at Unseen University discover that the excess belief freed by the Hogfather's fading is creating new gods - a Verruca Gnome, an Eater of Socks, a god of Hangovers.
POV: Susan Sto Helit·On page: Death, Albert, Mr Teatime, Mustrum Ridcully, Hex, The Bursar, The Dean, The Senior Wrangler, The Lecturer in Recent Runes, Ponder Stibbons, The Librarian, Bilious, Violet, Twyla, Gawain, Chickenwire, Catseye, Peachy
Section: Into the Tooth Fairy's Tower
Susan follows Teatime's gang into the Tooth Fairy's tower, a structure that exists in a dimension built from children's imagination. The tower is guarded by childhood fears made real, but Susan's inheritance from her grandfather makes her immune to most supernatural threats. She finds the gang members turning on each other - Banjo is uncomfortable with what they are doing, and Medium Dave is increasingly nervous.
Death attends a Hogswatchnight party at the University, terrifying the wizards. Ridcully tries to engage him in conversation about what is happening to the Hogfather. Death reveals the stakes: if the Hogfather dies, the sun will not rise tomorrow. Not the real sun - a mere ball of flaming gas will take its place. Without belief, without the small gods and the big stories, the universe becomes nothing but blind physics. Humans need the Hogfather because they need to believe in justice and mercy in a universe that has neither.
POV: Susan Sto Helit·On page: Mr Teatime, Banjo Lilywhite, Medium Dave, Death, Mustrum Ridcully, Hex, The Bursar, The Dean, The Senior Wrangler, The Lecturer in Recent Runes, Ponder Stibbons, The Librarian, The Death of Rats, Bilious, Quoth
Section: Confronting Mr Teatime
Susan confronts Teatime at the heart of the Tooth Fairy's tower. He has used the teeth to create a control mechanism that strips belief from millions of children simultaneously. Teatime is genuinely dangerous - brilliant, unpredictable, and utterly without empathy. He kills members of his own gang without hesitation. Banjo, the simple-minded giant, proves to be the unexpected key: his childlike innocence makes him immune to Teatime's manipulation, and Susan appeals to his basic decency.
Susan reverses the spell, using the sympathetic links in the teeth to restore belief rather than destroy it. The Hogfather surges back into existence. Teatime, refusing to accept defeat, follows Susan back to the real world and attacks her at the Gaiter household. He is finally destroyed not by Susan's supernatural powers but by the children's simple belief that their governess will protect them - and by a poker, wielded by Susan with the same practical determination she brings to all monsters.
POV: Susan Sto Helit·On page: Mr Teatime, Banjo Lilywhite, Hex, The Bursar, The Dean, The Senior Wrangler, The Lecturer in Recent Runes, Ponder Stibbons, The Librarian, Bilious, Violet, Twyla, Gawain, Chickenwire, Catseye, Peachy
Section: The Sun Would Not Rise
Susan confronts Death about his statement that the sun would not have risen without the Hogfather. Death explains in the most important speech of his existence: humans need fantasy to be human. They need to believe in things that are not true - justice, mercy, duty - because these things do not exist in the cold equations of the universe. The sun would have risen as a mere ball of flaming gas, but it would not have been the sun. The universe has no inherent meaning; humans must create it through belief.
'You need to believe in things that aren't true,' he tells her. 'How else can they become?' It is the harvest of souls made manifest in philosophy: Death, who sees the end of every life, understands that without the lies humans tell themselves - about fairness, about purpose, about fat men in red suits - there is nothing. Albert serves cocoa. The Hogfather resumes his rounds. And somewhere, the Auditors seethe, having failed once again to strip the universe of the untidy miracle of belief.
POV: Susan Sto Helit·On page: Death, Albert, Hex, The Death of Rats, Bilious, Violet, Peachy, Quoth