The most incompetent wizard on the Discworld, and one of the most widely travelled. Rincewind failed out of Unseen University when one of the Eight Great Spells lodged itself in his mind and left no room for any others. He has no magical ability to speak of, and his primary talent is running away very fast. He has survived encounters with gods, dragons, the Death of the Universe, and Elves largely through cowardice, luck, and an ability to recognise when things are about to go badly wrong. His greatest ambition is to be left alone somewhere quiet with a decent meal.

The Librarian of Unseen University was once a human wizard, but was accidentally transformed into an orangutan during a magical incident and has strongly resisted all attempts to change him back. He finds the orangutan body much better suited to the task of library management. He communicates almost entirely in "Ook" and is fully understood by most people who matter. He is extremely strong, somewhat dangerous when books are mistreated, and deeply beloved by the university despite - or because of - his insistence on shelving books in an order only he understands.

Death's manservant, who has lived in the domain of Death for several centuries after a magical accident that made him technically still alive but unable to return to the mortal world without dying immediately. He is sour, sharp-tongued, and devoted to Death in a way he would absolutely refuse to describe as devoted. In life he was Alberto Malich, the founder of Unseen University. He makes excellent fried bread and is fiercely protective of his employer's dignity.