Lords and Ladies
Chapters - Terry Pratchett
Section: Crop Circles at the Dancers
The story opens with a prologue about the Dancers, a circle of iron-bearing meteorite stones on a hilltop near Lancre that serve as a barrier between the Discworld and the realm of the elves. Fifty years ago, a young woman - later revealed to be the young Granny Weatherwax - approached the stones and was contacted by the Queen of the Elves, who showed her visions of power. She resisted. In the present, the witches return from their adventure in Genua to find that Magrat's fiance King Verence II has been preparing for their wedding, sending out invitations and ordering a dress without properly asking her. Granny Weatherwax is in a dark mood, bored and restless now that there are only two witches in the coven. Nanny Ogg worries that Granny is going 'black' from lack of mental stimulation. Meanwhile, a crop circle appears in the oat field and a group of young would-be witches led by the rebellious Diamanda have been dancing at the Dancers stone circle, weakening the barrier between worlds.
On page: Esmerelda Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, Magrat Garlick, Verence II, Nightshade
Section: Diamanda's Challenge
Jason Ogg, Nanny's eldest son and the village blacksmith, shoes a mysterious horse in the night while blindfolded, as is the ancient tradition - whoever shoes the blacksmith's horse in Lancre can shoe anything. Granny Weatherwax confronts Diamanda and her young witches at the Dancers, challenging the girl to a contest of magic. Diamanda is talented and arrogant, dismissing the older witches as outdated. Granny wins the contest through headology rather than raw power, staring down the sun itself and refusing to blink. But Diamanda has already done damage - the barrier at the Dancers is weakened, and something has noticed. In the Unseen University, Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully receives a wedding invitation from King Verence II and decides to attend, remembering a girl he once courted in Lancre long ago.
On page: Esmerelda Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, Verence II, Mustrum Ridcully, Shawn Ogg
Section: An Iron Arrow
The elves begin to break through at the Dancers. Diamanda, entranced by the Queen's glamour, goes to the stones at night and is drawn into the elf realm. Granny Weatherwax follows her in, using her Borrowing ability to cross between worlds. Inside the elf realm, Granny confronts the Queen directly but is shot with an elf arrow and badly wounded. Nanny Ogg and the other witches find Granny collapsed at the stones with an iron arrowhead lodged in her body. They carry her back to Nanny's cottage. Meanwhile, Casanunda the dwarf arrives in Lancre, having tracked down Nanny Ogg from their Genua adventure, and immediately begins flirting with Granny Weatherwax. King Verence continues his wedding preparations, oblivious to the danger.
On page: Esmerelda Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, Verence II, Nightshade, Agnes Nitt, Diamanda Tockley, Amanita DeVice
Section: Magrat Finds Queen Ynci's Armour
Granny Weatherwax lies in a deep coma as her body fights the elf-shot. Nanny Ogg tends her, knowing that Granny's mind has gone Borrowing - inhabiting the bodies of animals across Lancre while her body heals. Magrat, furious at being excluded from the crisis and humiliated by Verence's presumptuous wedding plans, retreats to the castle armoury where she discovers a suit of armour and weapons belonging to the legendary Queen Ynci the Short-Tempered. She puts on the armour and finds a new resolve. The Unseen University wizards arrive in Lancre for the wedding, led by Ridcully, who is disappointed to find the young woman he once courted is now the fearsome Granny Weatherwax. Casanunda continues to court Nanny Ogg with persistent charm.
On page: Esmerelda Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, Magrat Garlick, Verence II, Mustrum Ridcully, Ponder Stibbons, The Bursar, The Dean, The Senior Wrangler, The Lecturer in Recent Runes, Hodgesaargh
Section: Midsummer Eve
The elves break through in force on Midsummer Eve. The glamour - their most dangerous weapon - begins to affect the people of Lancre, making them see the elves as beautiful and noble rather than the cruel, parasitic creatures they truly are. Ridcully recognises the threat and rallies the wizards. The elves cannot bear iron, which is why the Dancers (made of meteoric iron) had kept them out. Nanny Ogg organises the defence of Lancre town with Jason and horseshoes nailed over every door. But the elves have already infiltrated the castle. King Verence is captured. Diamanda, freed from the elf realm but still half-entranced, staggers back to warn the witches. Granny Weatherwax's body still lies comatose while her mind roams.
On page: Esmerelda Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, Verence II, Mustrum Ridcully, Ponder Stibbons, The Bursar, The Dean, The Senior Wrangler, The Lecturer in Recent Runes, Mr Brooks
Section: Magrat Storms the Castle
Magrat, wearing Queen Ynci's armour and carrying a crossbow, storms the elf-occupied castle single-handed. She is terrified but furious - at Verence for his presumption, at the other witches for treating her as the junior partner, and at the elves for ruining her wedding. The armour gives her no magical power; it is the anger that carries her. She rescues Verence from the elves and confronts the Queen herself. Meanwhile, Nanny Ogg leads the townspeople in a desperate defence, using iron and folklore against the elves. Ridcully and the wizards provide magical support with fireballs and lightning. Casanunda fights bravely alongside Nanny.
On page: Nanny Ogg, Magrat Garlick, Verence II, Mustrum Ridcully, Nightshade, Jason Ogg, Mr Quarney
Section: Granny Faces the Queen
Granny Weatherwax returns. Her mind re-enters her body at the critical moment, and she confronts the Queen of the Elves at the Dancers. The Queen tries to use glamour on her, showing visions of what Granny's life could have been - if she had married Ridcully, if she had chosen power over principle. Granny refuses every temptation, declaring that she knows who she is. She forces the Queen back through the gateway between worlds. The iron in the Dancers reasserts itself as the barrier is restored. The elves retreat, screaming, back to their realm. The cost is high - several Lancrastians are injured and the castle is damaged - but the kingdom is saved.
On page: Esmerelda Weatherwax, Mustrum Ridcully, Nightshade, Casanunda
Section: A Quiet Wedding
In the aftermath, Magrat and Verence marry in a quiet ceremony. Magrat accepts the crown but on her own terms - she has proven herself a warrior queen, not a decorative consort. Ridcully and Granny share a brief, bittersweet moment acknowledging the path not taken, but both know they made the right choices. Ridcully reveals he came to Lancre partly hoping to see her again after all these years. Casanunda departs, philosophically cheerful about his lack of success with Nanny Ogg. The young witches, chastened by the elf incursion, begin learning proper witchcraft. Granny, newly energised by the crisis, acknowledges that she needs a third witch for the coven and begins considering candidates.
On page: Nanny Ogg, Magrat Garlick, Verence II, Mustrum Ridcully, Shawn Ogg, Agnes Nitt, Diamanda Tockley, Amanita DeVice, Lord Lankin
Section: The Wizards Depart
Continuation of the aftermath and wedding celebrations. The wizards prepare to return to Ankh-Morpork, having enjoyed an unexpectedly exciting visit. The Bursar has to be sedated after his encounters with elves. Nanny Ogg reflects on the events and begins thinking about who might replace Magrat in the coven - someone young, sensible, and with a good singing voice. Jason Ogg quietly removes the old horseshoes from behind his forge door. The kingdom of Lancre settles back into its peaceful routine, though the scars of the elf invasion will take time to heal.
On page: Nanny Ogg, Magrat Garlick
Section: Walking the Boundaries
The story continues exploring the aftermath of the elf invasion. The young witches who followed Diamanda are humbled and begin studying properly under Nanny Ogg's guidance. Granny Weatherwax walks the boundaries of Lancre, checking that the barriers between worlds are secure. She pauses at the Dancers and remembers her own encounter with the Queen fifty years ago, when she was the young woman tempted by elf glamour. She chose to be the good one then, and she has been choosing ever since. The kingdom breathes easily again.
On page: Esmerelda Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, Nightshade, Casanunda
Section: Farewell to Lancre
The wizards depart Lancre. Ridcully takes a last look at the kingdom and privately acknowledges that some paths are better left untaken. The Librarian, who accompanied the wizards, caused considerable excitement among Lancre's bees. Nanny Ogg sees the visitors off and returns to the everyday business of witching. Life in Lancre returns to its ancient rhythms, but something has changed - Granny Weatherwax has a renewed sense of purpose, and the coven needs a third member.
On page: Esmerelda Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, Mustrum Ridcully, The Librarian
Section: The True Stories About Elves
More events surrounding the elf crisis. The elves' glamour lingers in the minds of some Lancrastians, who remember the beauty and the music. Granny explains to Nanny that this is the most dangerous thing about elves - not their cruelty, but the way people remember them fondly afterwards and forget the terror. She resolves to keep the old stories alive, the true stories about what elves really are: parasites who feed on human misery and call it art.
On page: Nanny Ogg, Casanunda, Ponder Stibbons, The Bursar, The Dean, The Senior Wrangler, The Lecturer in Recent Runes, Lord Lankin, Hodgesaargh
Section: Magrat Grows Into the Crown
The narrative follows events in the broader conflict. Magrat explores the castle and discovers more about Queen Ynci, whose armour she wore. It turns out Ynci may not have been quite as heroic as legend suggests - the armour was largely ceremonial. But Magrat's bravery while wearing it was entirely real. She begins to grow into her role as queen, bringing her own practical witchcraft sensibility to the job.
On page: Magrat Garlick
Section: The Forge as Fortress
Events continue to unfold during the elf crisis and its resolution. The townspeople of Lancre rally together, armed with iron implements and horseshoes. The smith Jason Ogg plays a crucial role, his forge becoming a centre of resistance. Nanny Ogg coordinates the defence with her usual combination of maternal authority and ruthless practicality.
On page: Nanny Ogg, Agnes Nitt, Diamanda Tockley
Section: Wizards Against Glamour
The battle with the elves intensifies. The wizards use academic magic against elf glamour with mixed results - raw magical power works, but the elves are quick and cruel. The Bursar, ironically, proves immune to elf glamour because his mind is already elsewhere most of the time. Ridcully demonstrates that a well-aimed crossbow bolt is worth a dozen spells.
On page: Mustrum Ridcully, Shawn Ogg, Hodgesaargh, Mr Brooks
Section: Magrat Frees the King
Magrat's assault on the castle reaches its climax. Armed with a crossbow and wearing Queen Ynci's armour, she fights her way through elf-infested corridors. The elves are confused by iron armour and Magrat's absolute refusal to be charmed. She finds Verence imprisoned and frees him, then faces down an elf lord in single combat. Her victory comes not from skill but from sheer determination and fury.
On page: Magrat Garlick, Verence II
Section: The Barrier Sealed
The final confrontation at the Dancers. Granny Weatherwax, recovered from her elf-shot wound, faces the Queen one last time. The Queen offers her the old temptation - power, beauty, eternal youth. Granny refuses, not because she doesn't want these things but because she knows who she is without them. Ridcully stands with her, providing a rare moment of emotional support. The Queen is driven back through the stones and the barrier is sealed with iron and will.
On page: Esmerelda Weatherwax, Mustrum Ridcully, Nightshade
Section: Armour Under the Wedding Dress
The wedding of Magrat and Verence finally takes place, a quieter and more genuine affair than the grand ceremony originally planned. Magrat wears Queen Ynci's armour under her wedding dress. Granny Weatherwax attends but sits at the back. Nanny Ogg cries through the entire ceremony. The kingdom celebrates with a feast and dancing. There is a sense of new beginnings - for the royal couple, for the coven that must find a new third member, and for Lancre itself.
On page: Esmerelda Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, Magrat Garlick, Verence II, Ponder Stibbons, Lord Lankin
Section: The Path Not Taken
Ridcully and Granny share a final private conversation. He asks what would have happened if he'd come back for her all those years ago. She tells him it wouldn't have worked - she would have been a different person, and not the witch she became. Both accept this with the quiet dignity of people who have made their peace with the choices that shaped them. Ridcully departs with the wizards.
On page: Mustrum Ridcully, Shawn Ogg, Lord Lankin, The King of the Elves
Section: Iron Singing in the Wind
Life returns to normal in Lancre. Granny Weatherwax resumes her rounds of the villages, but with renewed purpose. Nanny Ogg begins her quiet campaign to recruit a new third witch for the coven. The Dancers stand silent on their hill, the iron singing faintly in the wind, keeping the worlds apart. The crop circles fade from the fields.
On page: Esmerelda Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg