Feet of Clay
Chapters - Terry Pratchett
Section: Two Old Men Murdered
A golem knocks at a door in the dead of night, delivering a message to an unknown recipient. Two elderly men are found murdered on the same morning - Father Tubelcek, a priest, beaten to death with a heavy blunt instrument, and Mr Hopkinson, an expert on siege warfare, killed the same way. No living creature appears to have been at either crime scene.
Commander Vimes investigates with his expanding Watch. Corporal Cheery Littlebottom, the Watch's new forensics dwarf and trained alchemist, examines the bodies and discovers waxy residue under Father Tubelcek's fingernails. She photographs the dead man's eye and finds a faint image reflected in the pupil. Sergeant Detritus provides imposing backup at the crime scene.
Vimes is summoned to the palace, where he finds Lord Vetinari collapsed in the Oblong Office. The Patrician has been poisoned, though nobody knows how.
On page: Samuel 'Sam' Vimes, Cheery Littlebottom, Detritus, Havelock Vetinari, Dragon King of Arms, Carrot Ironfoundersson, Fred Colon, Nobby Nobbs, Father Tubelcek, Mr Hopkinson, Mr Arthur Carry
Section: Vetinari Poisoned
Vimes arranges round-the-clock protection for Vetinari, using exclusively non-human guards for safety. He swaps his expensive boots for a constable's cheap ones so he can 'read' the city's streets through his soles. Meanwhile, Nobby receives a shocking visit from Dragon King of Arms at the College of Heralds, who presents evidence that Nobby is the long-lost Earl of Ankh.
Dorfl the golem arrives at the Watch House and surrenders himself for the murder of Father Tubelcek, writing his confession on a slate. Sergeant Colon processes the arrest in bewilderment.
Vimes walks the foggy streets, reflecting on the murders and on how the city works - or doesn't - under Vetinari's rule. He is already suspecting the poisoning is connected to something larger than a simple assassination attempt.
On page: Samuel 'Sam' Vimes, Havelock Vetinari, Nobby Nobbs, Dragon King of Arms, Dorfl, Fred Colon, Carrot Ironfoundersson, Detritus, Visit-The-Infidel-With-Explanatory-Pamphlets
Section: Nobby the Long-Lost Earl
The guild leaders meet in the Rats Chamber to discuss what happens if Vetinari dies. Mrs Palm of the Seamstresses chairs the meeting. They reluctantly acknowledge that life under Vetinari is reliable, if not exciting, and that his predecessors were catastrophically insane. The zombie lawyer Mr Slant suggests stability through monarchy.
The conspirators' plan emerges: install Nobby Nobbs as a puppet king, a man so ineffectual that the guilds could control everything behind the scenes. Cheery begins openly expressing her female identity, wearing lipstick given to her by Angua, scandalising the dwarf constables.
Carrot and Angua track Dorfl through the foggy streets and find a mob trying to smash the golem with hammers. Carrot intervenes, defending Dorfl with impeccable logic: if a golem is just a thing, how can it commit murder? He buys Dorfl from the reluctant butcher Mr Sock for one dollar.
On page: Havelock Vetinari, Mrs Palm, Nobby Nobbs, Cheery Littlebottom, Carrot Ironfoundersson, Dorfl, Detritus, Fred Colon, Samuel 'Sam' Vimes, Mr Slant, Mildred Easy
Section: The Golem King
Vimes discovers that the golems of Ankh-Morpork, driven by despair at their endless servitude, have secretly built a new golem - a king golem, fashioned from white clay with a crown moulded into its head. They believed a king would set them free. But the golem king has gone mad, killing the two old men who helped create it and producing arsenic-laced candles at Mr Carry's candle factory.
Cheery tests everything in Vetinari's environment for arsenic but cannot find the source. The Watch traces the poisoned candles to the factory, where the golem king works ceaselessly, cracking and glowing with internal heat because it was poorly fired in a bread oven.
Carrot, Angua and Cheery infiltrate the candle factory and confront Mr Carry, who reveals that a vampire - Dragon King of Arms - put him up to the poisoning scheme.
On page: Samuel 'Sam' Vimes, Cheery Littlebottom, Carrot Ironfoundersson, Dragon King of Arms, Detritus, Dorfl, Fred Colon, Wee Mad Arthur, Meshugah, Mrs Easy, Mr Arthur Carry
Section: Dragon at the College
Vimes confronts Dragon King of Arms at the College of Heralds. The vampire had orchestrated the entire plot: poisoning Vetinari to create a power vacuum, fabricating Nobby's noble lineage to install a controllable puppet king. A fight breaks out and the College catches fire, destroying centuries of heraldic records - which Vimes considers no great loss.
Carrot gives Dorfl his own ownership deed, making the golem legally free - the first golem to own himself. Carrot's logic is characteristically simple: if Dorfl owns himself, he is no longer property but a citizen, with all the rights and responsibilities that entails. Dorfl's clay glows red-hot as he processes the concept of freedom.
The golem king, its clay body cracking and failing, is confronted and ultimately destroyed. Vimes identifies the poisoned candles as the source of Vetinari's illness - arsenic in the wax, absorbed through the air as they burned.
On page: Samuel 'Sam' Vimes, Dragon King of Arms, Havelock Vetinari, Nobby Nobbs, Carrot Ironfoundersson, Dorfl, Cheery Littlebottom, Detritus, Fred Colon, Meshugah, Mr Arthur Carry
Section: We Watch One Another
Vetinari summons Vimes and delivers a masterful performance of bureaucratic approval-through-disapproval. He gives Vimes a pay rise and notes that the Commander has managed to upset every important person in the city. The burning of the College of Heralds has destroyed the provenances of many noble families - a result Vimes finds deeply satisfying.
Vetinari orders Dorfl destroyed, but Vimes refuses. After a tense exchange, Vetinari accepts Dorfl into the Watch as a constable - Dorfl has taken the King's Shilling and sworn the oath. In the Rats Chamber, an axe has been embedded in the council table overnight - Vimes' silent message to the city's power brokers about what happens when they conspire against the Watch.
Vetinari poses the question 'Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?' - who watches the Watchmen? 'We watch one another,' Vimes replies. The Patrician finds this an intriguing point indeed.
On page: Havelock Vetinari, Samuel 'Sam' Vimes, Dorfl, Detritus, Fred Colon