The Last Hero
Chapters - Terry Pratchett, Paul Kidby
Section: Returning Fire to the Gods
A Pointless Albatross delivers a message to Ankh-Morpork: Cohen the Barbarian, Emperor of the Agatean Empire, has abandoned his throne and is heading for Cori Celesti with his Silver Horde - Boy Willie, Truckle the Uncivil, Caleb the Ripper, and Mad Hamish - carrying a fifty-pound keg of Agatean Thunder Clay. His intention is to return fire to the gods, a gesture that would destroy the world's magical field and end all life on the Disc within minutes.
Lord Vetinari convenes an emergency meeting at Unseen University, where Archchancellor Ridcully and Ponder Stibbons demonstrate the omniscope. Magic cannot reach within a hundred miles of the Hub, ruling out magical intervention. Vetinari consults Rincewind, who explains Cohen's nature, then visits Leonard of Quirm in his attic prison. Leonard proposes a flying machine - a craft that will be launched off the Rim of the world, swing beneath the Disc, and rise on the far side to land on Cori Celesti.
The crew is assembled: Leonard as pilot and inventor, Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson as the law's representative, and Rincewind, who volunteers precisely because he does not wish to - knowing that fate will drag him along regardless. Meanwhile, the Horde force a kidnapped minstrel to agree to write their saga, as Cohen sits on ancient burial mounds remembering forgotten heroes.
On page: Havelock Vetinari, Mustrum Ridcully, Ponder Stibbons, The Librarian, Cohen the Barbarian, Boy Willie, Truckle the Uncivil, Caleb the Ripper, Mad Hamish, Rincewind, Leonard of Quirm, Carrot Ironfoundersson, Mrs Palm·Mentioned: The Bursar, Samuel 'Sam' Vimes, Old Vincent
Section: Evil Harry Joins Up
The Silver Horde presses on through the frozen landscape towards Cori Celesti, with Cohen tutoring the reluctant minstrel in the conventions of saga poetry. The Horde explain their motives: the gods let heroes grow old, let Old Vincent choke to death on a cucumber, offered no Bridge of Frost or Halls of Heroes. They want to go out fighting, not fading away in comfortable beds with milky drinks.
An ambush by Evil Harry Dread, a small-time Dark Lord with a collection of spectacularly stupid henchmen, turns into a reunion. Evil Harry and Cohen go way back - Evil Harry always played by the Code, leaving secret back entrances and employing idiotic guards. Cohen invites Harry and his henchmen to join them. Harry warns he will inevitably betray them, but Cohen says he likes a man he cannot trust.
Meanwhile, the flotilla sets sail from Ankh-Morpork. Leonard of Quirm works around the clock on the flying machine, inventing a frying pan that sticks to anything and a pen that writes upside down. Ponder Stibbons accidentally breaks the omniscope, but discovers that each shard can still see what the others see - an invaluable communication device. In his study on the edge of Time, Death contemplates a cat in a box and examines the world's giant hourglass, preparing to clear the decks for what is coming.
On page: Cohen the Barbarian, Boy Willie, Truckle the Uncivil, Caleb the Ripper, Mad Hamish, Evil Harry Dread, Leonard of Quirm, Havelock Vetinari, Ponder Stibbons, Death, Albert·Mentioned: Old Vincent
Section: Off the Rim
The parallel journeys intensify. The Horde battles through the Impassable Caves of Dread - fighting monstrous fish, insane monks, flame-spewing corridors, and gate demons - while Evil Harry secretly prays to dark gods, betraying their position. They discover the murdered bodies of some robbers, killed with pink knitting wool and knitting needles, and soon encounter Vena the Raven-Haired - now Mrs McGarry, a grandmother and legendary warrior who has come out of retirement after receiving a mysterious scroll showing the route up the mountain. The discovery that Cohen, Evil Harry, and Vena all received similar scrolls from unknown sources deeply unsettles the minstrel, who points out the obvious: someone wants them to come.
On the sea, Ponder Stibbons and Leonard test the swamp dragons with a specially formulated diet, achieving a sustained flame. Captain Carrot sews mission badges bearing the motto Rincewind suggested: Morituri Nolumus Mori - 'We who are about to die don't want to'. The Kite is loaded, fire boats are launched to blast through the Circumfence, and the craft is hurled off the Rim of the world. The dragons fire, acceleration crushes the crew into their seats, and the Kite plunges beneath the Disc - where the crew glimpse the Great A'Tuin's elephants, forests growing on rocks in the Rimfall, and people living over the Edge.
On page: Cohen the Barbarian, Boy Willie, Truckle the Uncivil, Caleb the Ripper, Mad Hamish, Evil Harry Dread, Vena the Raven-Haired, Leonard of Quirm, Ponder Stibbons, Carrot Ironfoundersson, Rincewind, Havelock Vetinari, Mustrum Ridcully, The Luggage, Nuggan, Great A'Tuin·Mentioned: The Librarian, Old Vincent
Section: Detour to the Moon
The Kite's voyage takes a desperate turn when the Librarian is discovered as a stowaway, explaining the excess weight and dwindling air supply. Ponder Stibbons, working from the ship, devises a plan: redirect the Kite to land on the moon. The crew finds air, silvery vegetation, and magnificent moon dragons that flame from the wrong end. They gather fuel, take photographs of the Disc rising over the lunar horizon - including the staggering sight of the elephants filling the sky - and prepare to depart. But the moon plants prove too energy-rich for the swamp dragons, and one fires prematurely, sending the Kite into an uncontrolled burn that leaves Leonard unconscious and all the dragons spent.
Rincewind, panicking at the controls, is talked through the crisis by Lord Vetinari via the omniscope - who recognises 'Prince Haran's Tiller' as an automatic steering device from Klatchian legend. The Librarian then takes the pilot's seat and proves a natural flyer. Meanwhile, the Silver Horde ascends the mountain itself, where gravity becomes optional. Cohen learns that the first hero Mazda, who stole fire from the gods, was chained to a rock for eternity with an eagle pecking out his liver daily. His resolve hardens: the gods have this coming.
On page: Rincewind, Carrot Ironfoundersson, Leonard of Quirm, The Librarian, Ponder Stibbons, Havelock Vetinari, Mustrum Ridcully, Cohen the Barbarian, Boy Willie, Truckle the Uncivil, Caleb the Ripper, Mad Hamish, Evil Harry Dread, Vena the Raven-Haired, The Librarian·Mentioned: The Luggage
Section: Storming Dunmanifestin
Evil Harry disguises the Silver Horde as minor gods - Cohen as the God of Fish, Truckle as the Muse of Swearing, Mad Hamish as the God of Stuff. They enter Dunmanifestin and are greeted as new arrivals, but Fate challenges Cohen to a dice game: throw a seven on a six-sided die. Cohen slices the die in half with his sword - six on one side, one on the other. The Lady declares he has legitimately cheated Fate. The minstrel confronts Nuggan, the petty god who banned chocolate, garlic, and mushrooms in his homeland.
The Kite crashes through the gates of Dunmanifestin. Captain Carrot formally arrests Cohen for conspiracy to end the world. The Horde is confronted by the Code: one brave man against seven always wins. But Truckle has already pressed the detonator. With minutes to spare, the Horde loads the keg onto Hamish's wheelchair and rides it off the edge of the mountain, falling ten miles into the explosion that vaporises a foothill.
Leonard of Quirm is sentenced by the gods to paint the entire ceiling of the Temple of Small Gods in ten years - a punishment he embraces with quiet joy. Rincewind asks for a blue balloon. The Kite is repaired and flown home. In the epilogue, Vena confronts the Valkyries who arrive to collect the Horde's bodies - but the old heroes erupt from the snow, steal the Valkyries' horses, and ride away into the stars rather than accept the Halls of the Slain. Death watches but does not intervene. And on his eternal rock, the immortal Mazda finds a sword in his hand and hears the beat of an eagle's wings at dawn.
On page: Cohen the Barbarian, Boy Willie, Truckle the Uncivil, Caleb the Ripper, Mad Hamish, Evil Harry Dread, Vena the Raven-Haired, Fate, The Lady, Blind Io, Nuggan, Offler the Crocodile God, Carrot Ironfoundersson, Rincewind, Leonard of Quirm, The Librarian, Ponder Stibbons, Havelock Vetinari, Death·Mentioned: Mustrum Ridcully, Hughnon Ridcully